Monday, February 28 | 12:59 am

on news on 5 tonyt, der was sthg dat struck me. minister of education mr tharman shanmugaratnam announcd dat de education system was driving towards a more qualitative assessment of students' achievements in school. if i remember correctly..
-at the end of their education in de school, each student wil receive a testimonial.. a qualitative assessment of a students' achievements in school, not just their academics. it wil include details of leadership positions, cca, cip..-

hMm. dun we alredi hv dat? or is he saying dat we'r moving to sthg more qualitative? like a whOle written testimonial detailing evry single contribution, achievemnt of each student. to go beyond de stil-quantitative methods of grading de schs currently employ. to go beyond de cca grading wer national/school team players get an A1 n medal winnrs get a couple xtra pts (gold medal gets more, follwd by silver etc.), wer de head prefect or council pres gets de top numbr of points for leadership possible. its stil pretty much quantitative. all in numbrs. numbr of points yu accumulate indicates how involvd yu were. which is, i feel, non-comprehensive. who's to say a a behind-de-scenes debate team member who researches, but nvr went on stage to fiight it out verbally, is less involvd den de actual representative who stands on stage. wel yea de rep on stage is at de frontline bearing de brunt of it all if any, and is probly a bettr speaker. which justifies de highr numbr of points de debate rep shd get. but to go by points i think is doing de former an injustice. a detaild written testimony by de teacher probly awards de due credit, n gives a clearer indication of de involvement n de contributions.

n if dat is wat we r moving towards, its probly a good thg. for who? de students of course. deir resume, deir list of achievements get to look bettr n bettr.
but wait.
de teachers.
hold it.

yu mean to tell me de teachers hv to write as in pen down for evry single student each n evry one of deir contributions? n to make it sound personal, unique n tailord to each one as wel. geez. dats gotta be hard.

hMm. to develop a template-like structure for de teachers to use as a guideline is i suppose, a reasonable resolution to ease de load. but den. template. teachrs den hv to be careful dat de template wun serve as a mould for each testimonial wer dey jus change de adjectives used. ryt? dat wud sumwat defeat de purpose of de comprehensive testimonial ryt? hMm.

okaay so mayb de teachers can work in pairs/grps/teams to share de burden. but wat if der r disagreemnts or discrepancies to wat each teachr thinks or feels abt some students? yu know? if i m a teacher n i feel dat a student deserves dis much recognition but anothr teacher dusn think so.. i suppose dat teachr shd hv a pretty good reason for dat ryt? so we shd probly sit down, talk it out, sort it out, work thru it and come to a consensus as to wat to say for de student. eergh. sounds like a darn lotta extra workk der. okaay so mayb i can close one eye n simply agree w de othr teacher to save us de extra hassle. i mean iv got papers to mark, qns to set, wkshts to print, lesson plans to draw up, meetings to attend, classes to teach! de list jus goes oN! err. i wudn want my teacher to do dat. how unfair is dat to de kid? n teachers, i wud think, most wud wanna fight for their students n stand up for wat dey deserve. yu know?

hMm. so where dus dat put de teachers?

at de mercy of both de government n de society?

i wish yu luck shd yu be entering de teaching field.
*huugs* to ma teacher-to-be babes. sya. zat. dianah. n several more im not reali close to.

kudos to yu lot. :) *salutes*

yu guys r aftrall, moulding the future of the nation. :)

n if all teachers were like these couple-a babes of mine, id feel dat my kids *insyaallah* r in pretty good hands. ;)

p.s. how do i know de gigantous workload teachrs hvta face? was der once. teaching is purely a joy. its de admin dat bogs yu down. de admin stuf. de keying in of marks de grading de meetings de lesson plans. i suppose dey'r all good n in de best interests of de kids. but stil. i said to my mum den..
-ma boleh tak if i jadi teacher, but i hire someone else to do de marking, to draw up de lesson plans, to mark de compositions and comprehensions?-
seriously. to teach, to stand in front of forty-sthg lil innocent faces n to watch deir faces turn frm confusion to awe to lit-up w smiles. man. :) exhilarating dusn evn begin to describe it. n to know dat wat yu'v been teaching is remembrd n applied, wen dey can finally solve dat problm sum on deir own, drawing de wretchd models dat yu so often tell dem to draw but dey jus refuse to, but finaly did draw n solvd de sum. whOo momma. :) n wen dey come up to yu during deir breaks n aftr dey'r done w deir wksht to tell yu abt deir personal life. like a fren. :) to know dat dey trust yu dat much n love yu dat much. gosh. :) *i miss my lil babies :'(*
i honestly enjoy teaching. in its true essence.
but as a career as a living? realising de othr aspects to it as a career?
i think not. my passion jus dusn lie der.

|
Saturday, February 26 | 12:59 am

For two moments in time,
The caravan of life stopped and we met.
Then we went our separate ways,
Where are you now, and where am I.

For two moments,
The story of these hearts lasted.
Then we went our separate ways,
Where are you now, and where am I.


Was that actually you, or was it a ray of light?
Was that actually you, or was it a smiling flowerbud?
Was that you, or was it the shower of dreams?
Was that you, or did a cloud of joy pass overhead?
Was that you, or did a flower bloom?
Was that you, or did a flower bloom?
Was that you, or did I find a whole new world?


For two moments in time,
The caravan of life stopped and we met.
Then we went our separate ways,
Where are you now, and where am I.

For two moments,
The story of these hearts lasted.
Then we went our separate ways,
Where are you now, and where am I.


Was that you, or was it a scent in the breeze?
Was that you, or was there color bursting in all directions?
Was that you, or was it a light in the distance down the road?
Was that you, or was it a song echoing?
Did I find you, or did I find my destination?
Was that you, or was it simply a moment touched by magic?


For two moments in time,
The caravan of life stopped and we met.
Then we went our separate ways,
Where are you now, and where am I.

For two moments,
The story of these hearts lasted.
Then we went our separate ways,
Where are you now, and where am I.


- Do Pal, Veer-Zaara


|
Friday, February 25 | 2:34 am

went airport send rozzie off :(
den stayd to mug. til halfpast eleven. den made my way home on buses reachd ard midnyt. hmm think its de latest iv been out on my own. not with frens not with him. aaallll alone. :)

yeaa. de mugger in me is baackk.

got ma momentum todayy wen i touchd bit of biod. redid chaptr on plants. oOoh momma. feels good dun it wen yu get yer werkk done. ;) its a feeling onli muggers undrstand.

wil be moviing onto ma chinese n stats n gem. i feel it pumpiing thru ma veeins. *yeaaa* ahaaks. ;)

face it yu rafflesians. no mattr how much yu try to deny it. yu are a mugger. hah. face it.

okaaylah sweeping statement but hey. yu do studyy bcos yu want yur As dun yu? see?

owel. at least im not afraid to admit it. cmon. mugger so mugger lah.

mugger can be prettyy n hott n weweeet also wat. ahaaks. ;) ni untuk budakbudak yg ingat mugger tu selenger ajer.

me n ma darliings r new age muggers man.

wahahahahha. okaay enuf. dah cukup perasan dah tu.

anws. de burn frm challenge shield receding alredi! *yippee!* but stil dark. *boo.* :( me hands n wrists up to midway of me forearms. gelaaap. :( my face also. so saad.
-skrg my kulit dah gelap eh. dulu putih macam cina.-
AHAAKS. *looks for nydia* meh kiter ketawer samersamer meh. hahahahhahaha :D

der's a bitch in evry girl.
jus a mattr of how yu let it out.

*smile*


|
Tuesday, February 22 | 2:24 am

jus remembrd. n had to blog abt it.

wondrful movie. so sad. so sinfully sad. siigh. :(

took a nice break frm work to watch dis show last nyt. now listening to de songs.

beautiful love storyy. siigh. :(

de guy superbly romantic. i found myself hoping n wondering. y cant a love like dat happn in real life? :( i mean. he's so in love w her so into her. it was jus so bittrsweet n sad. *cos she has a fiance* :(

i know. bollywood wil alws be bollywood. in their world der r onli two types of pple. saints n extremely evil monstrs. de do-gooders r so unbelievably saint-like n selfless its impossible. n de villains r jus plain coldheartd n cruel. gotta admit dat. but dat aside. beauutiful. :(

i did wonder during de show. y m i running away frm a love i know is der? i found myself thinking. wen i was in it der was much more harsh reality den romantic fairytale. fights n quarrels n ugly words n accusations thrown ard. yea de real world's like dat. damn yu bollywood. watching love stories watching de hero confess his undying true love watching him selflessly sacrifice for her alws makes me wish dat all of life was jus lyk dat. no complications no further complexities.

i want my love story to happen de way i want it to happen.

fat chance.

in de meantime. shal watch de show again. wil cry again. so sad.

but actuali. i like to cry watching movies. helps get de emotions coursing thru me get out. :) feels good. :)

wanna watch million dollar baby anyone? a fren says sad show. for a good cry go see it. n i wanna. :)

|
| 1:48 am

haha iv been mia huh. been busy w sch ah. dint sleep for a couple of nyts. as in reali dint sleep. got loads of catching up to do w work.

wel dint sleep much cos challenge shield 2005 happnd. went pretty alryt :) hapi for dat. altho we woke up late. wel we fell asleep an hour b4 we were supposd to wake up. how to not ovrsleep. *sheesh* all de same. *sori hani :P* hepi cos i think publicity did an alryyt job :) teams came down as promisd :) n in de end i think de prizes were pretty alryt. i mean hundred fifty in cash plus hundred in vouchers! not bad for an event which cudn get sponsors. ;) yupyup. scorekeeping n pple watching was definitely fun! ;) ryt sya dearie? hehe n keeping track of wer certain pple were. ;) not onli dat some of those guys had some pretty hott moves man. like real whoOa. coolcool. :) hehe n dear huzer came down to help ref. quite nice being able to sit ard n talk to him in betwn matches :)

a conversation w my fellow scorekeeper at my table *not sya, sya was at de othr court. jus to set thgs straight ;)*
her -tu yur kawan eh? how yu know him? namer dier saper?-
me - *answrs all her qns* ni asik tanyer pasal dier ni ader aper.. ;)-
her -*laughs* eh taklah.. cute but.. naah.. takder ah..-
hows dat huzer? ;)

n i feel supersuuperr bad cos he kena a biiig one in de face man. like pow. those stuupid mats. so sori huzer. :( feel suupersuuper baad. :( he left immediately dint even get to say bye to him. :( hope yu'r doing okaay dude. :) take care. n thanks again for being such a good sport. :)

rozzie n marsie came down later for dinnr. agaaiin feel suuper bad cos dey had to wait like hours for me n sya to be done. w de cleaning up de debriefing yadayadayada. but i gave dem my keys to my room. :) n dey bummd der. :) we got yummyyy dinnr at rasa istimewa c2k. :) dear rozzie's treat! wat a daarliiing! *hugg* :) dinnr was fun. reminiscd a little. :) hehe abt history we'd rather keep hiddn. ;) hehe

my othr babes dint come down. :( so sad. takperlah. wil see dem ard sometym. :)

dear rozzie leaving thurs. so soon. :( dyu hvto? :(

n shiq so sweet :) she mentiond dat i mia-ed. dats y dis entry. onli wen i read hers dat i realisd dat i hv been gone/away. :P hehe hope yu dint miss me too much girlie. ;)

okaays time to get down to weerk. :P *eergh*

oh n iv decided to s/u (satisfactory/unsatisfactory option) singapore studies! :) *yeaa* which means my grade for dat wun count! :) as long as i get c and above. so i can score a c and my cap wun suffer! gerek! :) hehe *so i lyk hel bettr get a bettr n improvd cap dis sem.* ;)

im quite happy. :) got certain thgs cleard w certain pple. :) wil see wer time n life takes me. :)

planning to go mug ard singapore. haha wat i mean is tmro mug in sch! wed dunno yet. most prob expo *if i can wake up ;)* thurs airport w mars cos we sending rozzie off! :) fri got sch. bOo.

wokies. gotta rack my pretty little head ;) for intrvw qns for big shot dr/prof. he probly has a big belly and a halfbotak head w white hair onli. *ahakkz* ;) hehe

sekali young happening cute hot dr eh. wahseh. jackpot man. ;)

dream on babe.

back to work.

like now.

byebye! :)

|
Friday, February 18 | 1:55 am

on de bus to sch today a thot struck me.

wat wud it hv been like if i had gotten to medicine.

i wudn know. but i know wat it wudn hv been like.

i wudn hv found de girlfren i found in zat. despite knowing her for close to six yrs now but nvr made de frenship happen. im glad it finally did. :)

i wudn hv found lovely girlfrens in syahirah and suhaila whom i laugh with cry with bitch with laugh and giggle with joke with n not to mention terrorise. ;)


i wudn hv gone on yep. n met all de beautiful pple. de locals de vietnamese de kids de monsters. plus de frens i made on de trip. :) not forgetting de memories made de lessons learnt n de unforgettable experiences.

i wudn hv found frens in my current buddies. mus luqman aidil.

i wudn be rooming at pgp. n learning dat i m capable of doing thgs i nvr thot i cud.

i wudn be immersing myself in sch activities n events. like pbm forum nytcycling challenge shield.

i wudn hv realised how we were perceivd by de rest of society. read: rafflesians.

i wudn be going on sep to king's. away from home away from comfort zone. independence in the raw. n going for classes in a foreign land.

i wudn be taking for granted wat i hv or wat my future wil be like.

wud i stil be with him?

but are all these reali wat my lifelong dream was worth? i mean. given a choice. wud i choose to give up my lifelong dream to experience wat im going thru now?

i doubt i wud.

but then again. i hv yet to see wat He holds in store for me for the rest of my life. wat othr experiences n pple r yet to come my way to cross my path.

de future at the end of the two paths differ vastly.

altho i sometimes *or maybe often* think abt wat it wud be like had i made it there i m truly happy here. where i am now. w de pple i hv ard me. de thgs dat i do. de experiences dat i go thru.

i gues dats a good thg. dat i make de best of wat i hv. n dat i dun succumb get suckd n drown.

its a whirl of emotions. happy sad wondering pondering wishing questioning grateful enlightening appreciating. n de list goes on.

i cant deny dat dis isnt on my mind at all. dat iv forgottn abt it n completely moved on. n i cant say if it wil evr not be on my mind anymore.

its aftrall a lesson in life.

dat im stil learning frm.

thank You.

|
Thursday, February 17 | 8:20 am

i wanna go watch movie. listening to stoopid daniel ong on morning madness talking abt constantine.

wanna go see movie. any movie actuali. vry sad. like if dun hv him to go see show with den i dun go see show at all. :(

de thoughts crossing thru my mind r like..
i wanna go watch movie!
alamak. im not w him anymore. *bcos i alws/onli go movies w him wat*
go w who ah like dat.

sad ah.

calling all giirlfrens. :)

darn. midterms.

poof.

forget i said anythg.

|
| 7:22 am

heyhey. had my loong nyt of sleep. eleven to 7. a good eight hours. *satisfied.* feel so much bettr now. :) *refreshd*

anws. while i was asleep i got like eleven msns or sthg. lazyy to tell yu individuali i was asleep. so here goes.

sori evryone i dint reply. i was asleep.

:)

wanna go do work. *yeaa* :) adieuu!

|
Wednesday, February 16 | 10:13 pm

i fell asleep on my laptop. like literally. was waiting for window to load. one hand fingers splayed all ovr keyboard de othr hand on mouse. suddenly i found myself hving to open my eyes to see de window which was alredi fully loaded.

i need sleep.

badly.

past few *no not few.. like seven* nyts i hvn been getting a full nyt's sleep. its like sleep in aftrnoon couple hours. den up til 4 am. sleep til like 7. den aftr subuh back to bed til like 9 or so. iishk. mayb in terms of hours makes up de required numbr. but rest. rest is diffrnt. my body is screaming for rest. sleep. like lOoOong gOoOd ten hour sleep or sthg.

work. work is calling saying helo dun forget me yu'v got to settle me im gaining weiight *piling up*. my mind my body screaming at me telling me to drop it n sleep. sleep. my heart n my feelings stil going ard in circles telling me dat yu'v got to come to a certain understanding of wat yu want n wat yu need. i dun live in uncertainty. nvr have. n learning dat i cant.

guilty as chargd.

not been doing my stuf bcos iv been wasting my time away.

so who's fault is it?

sorry. dun blame me but i jus dun wanna face wat i have to. which wil include deciding wat needs to b done w him.

yu know wat. i jus need. sleep. s. l. e. e. p.

but b4 dat. dan brown jus too irresistible. superb.

as for wasting time? blame dan brown.

reali.

all his fault.

okay. sleepy.

|
Monday, February 14 | 6:07 pm

vdaayy. haiish. it was evrywer. how to ignore. haha i gues dis is how a single feels like on vday huh. i suppose being the ignorant lil kid i was back den vday probly dint mean a thg. i gues i was tOo young to hv realised de significance pple attach to feb 14th. so wen i was single den it dint reali mattr. not dat it mattrs now. its jus wen yu'r on de othr side yu sorta see it diffrntly.

me n suhaila were totallyy ugh-ing at evry girl dat walkd past w flowers. no kidding man. haha ;) we were walking down dis path wen we kinda almost bumpd into dis girl carryiing a gigantic bouquet of a dozen or so turquoise-blue roses or tulips i cudnt reali see. so we had to sidestep dem in order to avoid a collision. suhaila realising dat a lil too late she stopd ryt in front of de girl w de bouquet nearly colliding. den she lookd at de girl den down at de flowers. n went uUrghH! *stamp feet*. n walks off. hahahah i dun blame her man. ;)

nak kater meluat.. its not reali meluat.. its jus.. a diffrnt feeling. somewat meluat but not reali. haha okaay im going nowhere w dis descriptn. okaaylah watevr lah. if yu'r single yu'd know wat i mean. ;)

anws today at de end of lectr a guy from ryt at de back ran down de aisle carrying a crazily large *but ugly. no reali. its vry ugly.* bouquet of flowers ryt down to de front. my gurlfrens n i were so totali watching him.
-eh kau tengok kau tengok!-
-eh saper sak dier nak kasi!!-
-tu lah dier kasi budak pompuan tuu..-
-bukan pompuan lah tu lakilaki lah.. alamak! lain ajer bunyinyer..-
haha it was actuali reali a giirl lah. ;) we weren't de onli ones watchiing. der were some guys at de back who saw too n dey clapped! haha cUute. but jus to illustrate how biitchyy we gurls can get. wen we finaly walkd down to get out of de lt..
-alah perempuan dier tak jam ajer apsal dier kasi..-
-aah tu ahh memang tak jam.-
;) hahahah forgiive us for being bitchyy. but reali. ;) anws flower dier pun tak nice. jadi takper lah. hahhaha *gOsh yani. sUperbItch ah maybe.* :)

it struck me today. de world works in de strangest ways. aftr our third vday we cudn reali b bothrd anymore. like think we dint evn acknowledge de fourth vday we shared. reali. tak ngek tak ngok. no sound at all. n i think by de third one also de excitement de *gasp!* aWw sOo sweet.. *smiile* was all gone. sad huh. its like wen yu'r togethr for dat long a day like vday kinda loses its meaning its essence. i dun mean dat der was totali no excitement no sweet surprises at all left in our relationship. der was. it was jus on that day itself. hving it hyped up kinda makes it lose its true essence. okaay i know its a day to celebrate love n yadayadayada.. but cmon. love. celebrate evryday cannot ah. like suhaila said
-i dun see de point in vday. yu know? its like it has become a must or a norm for de guy to give de girl gifts or flowers on dat day.-
i agree w her. it has become a day wer okay lets celebrate love. guys get yur girls her faverit flower throw in a chocolate ensemble n if yu'r reali riich y not a diamond riing n ask her for her hand in marriage as wel?? yu know? its like it has become a day wer yu r supposd to do dis n dat. owel.

but jus today. not any of the past two vdays. jus dis one. i kinda wish he was ard. like to hv someone special to share de day with. but de past couple of vdays i dint give too much of a hoot abt it in fact. like i din feel blessd to hv someone to share it w. mayb i shdv cherishd it while i stil cud.

de world works in de strangest ways.

aiiks. haha. i realise im reali bad at explaining sthg at a higher intellectual level. heh.

or mayb its de hype of it all. mayb im wishing i cud b a part of it too. yu know?

he shdv landed in brunei now. i think. i keep wondering if he has. n its been more den once dat dis thot has crossd my mind
-y hasnt he msgd to tell me he's der safe n sound?-
den i havta remind myself.
-yu wantd time off remembr. he said zero contact. so yu cud hv all de time all de space in de world dat yu cud possibly want.-
i keep checking my phone. m i expecting a msg frm him?

but i mean. its reali okay to wonder if a fren or if someone yu care abt has reachd his destination safely. ryt? isnt it? perhaps he's stil someone i hold dear n at a highr level of special den some othr pple. yu know?

is dis wat dey call withdrawal symptoms?

|
Sunday, February 13 | 6:01 am

pffft. 0601h n unsuccessfuli tryin to study stats n do tutrl. not dat i dun undrstand. but evry three seconds i m distractd by my laptop. uRgh. wat is wrOong w me. dis is sO nOt me. at least not last sem. i was focusd determind alws doing/done my stuf. cud it b bcos i was trying to prove sthg last sem? in de wake of my posting to nus. was i trying to prove sthg? n to who? myself i think. seems like evryone ard me is pretty darn sure of me n has faith in me. geez. leaves me blank der.

or it cud also be last sem was killer. like reali. kiLLeR. lab reports due evry week or so *i swear no kidding.* but dis sem? barelyy any labs. and its almost midsem now. dun feel like iv been thru half a sem's worth of work. reali. scares me actuali. is it cos im not on top of my work? or is it simply cos my mods dis sem r suupperslack. hMm.

lsm. *life science mod* openbook. but stil must read no?
gem. *general education mod* a level bio + phys *no kidding. life sci major doing a lvl bio.* geez. de lecturer shd do sthg abt dat man.
stats. alvl so far N keeping up w it ;)
chinese. loviing it n keeping up w it. :)
ssa human geog. *singapore studies*. oh god. dUn remind me. someone pls. tell me. wHy did i take up dis mod? *thanks aidil :(*

okies. but one can nvr n shd nvr b too sure no?
yes.
so wil continuue reading n dOing.
eeks. forgot to mention. ssa behind by like four chaptrs. wOwee.

listening to if i were a rich giirl. nananananannanana. :)

okays went out w him tonyt. *eh actuali last nyt but oh who cares.* had fun. :) honestly did. decided to treat him dinnr b4 he leaves for brunei *feb 14th 0000h -or so* had de usual yummies at bali thai. nvr disappoints. :) i footd de bil. altho did threaten to make him foot it wen he teased me. heh. ;) bought a pair of charles n keith black heels! *yaayyiie!* been loOking for some time now. *yeaa!* shopping nvr fails to bring a smile to aNy girl's face. :) a wishlist alredi forming in my miind. loads i wanna get. :) but gotta watch my cashflow. w pgp dining is outta my own pocket. not to mention de thousand for de room. eeks. plus gotta save for exchange. *yeaa!* *smiile* pounds oi. *frown* matii. 2grant sing wil onli get me wat 600pounds? eeks. so watch yer cash flow girl.
quote. i have got to manage my dollars. unquote. ;) ring a bell my viet babes? :)

anws aftr dinnr. went snowwash! hehe car snowwash :) fun. had yuMmy haagen dazs crispy sandwich. he reminded me of how haagen dazs washes nytcycling down de drain. :( watevr. i love ice cream n ice cream makes me hapPy :)

went down to pasir ris park. loOked for swiings. cos i felt like swiinging. :) *yaayyie!* so we swung. hehe me being me askd him to push me. until tinggi tinggi. den aftr vry high. screaming n giggling -tanak tanak dah tanak lagii! dah tinggi dah tinggi!- giggle like nobody's business. think de couples in d park were annoyd. heh. ;) i tried to push him. weak sia. weak gilerr. :(

see? reali had fun. feel vry much content n hapi :) he's a total darling a total sweetie. reali. why m i letting him go? he's such a dear. n it dusn take a genius to see how much he loves me. anybody w half a brain or less can see dat. sheesh. wake up yani wake up.

mayb dis three weeks wil help me see bettr. yu think? i dunno. siigh.

onli time wil tell.

song now destiny child's soldier.
again it happnd.

-i dun understand de part "carry big things if yu know wat i mean"-
-*amused look* reali ah? yu dunno ke?-
-no reali. i dunno wat dey mean.-
-*laughs* big cock lah!-
-Oh. *silent* eh?-
-*smiles* i like yur innocence ah.-

:)

|
Thursday, February 10 | 2:47 am

ryyt. i succumbd. okies so check out my new face. ;) i jus think de skin is hott. so take lah. :)

anws. like it says on evryone else's blog ;) nytcycling rockd! :) reali felt goOod man. cmon. set off at like 1000h. halftime break at like 0100h. set off again at like 0200h. finali ended at 0500h. rough estimates dun quote me on dis. so yea. grand total of 6h 38km n god-knows-how-many calories. ;) beat dat!
oOh n im SO proud of myself. i conquerd de slOpe! :) *yeaa!* de much talkd abt domineering slope. ;) n i diid it! i cud feel de lactic acid accumulating in me thighs screaming to stop. but no i pushd on. to quote sha -i dint wanna have done all 38km except de slope.- jus dusn sound good huh. n boy m i glad dat i persevered n pushd on. ;)
yups so at d end of it all we were like totali drenchd in sweat. oOh boyy. bet we stank like hel. ;) hehh anws dey gave us rather yummy food to eat. :)
oOh de quiz rockd man! i mean we rockd de quiz. ;) hehe wel. cept de ugama part. sad huh. =\ siigh. nyd n sha kept saying how dey dunno n how dey onli know dis n onli know dat -surah aper ah? aku cumer tahu yg lembu tu al baqarah tu kan?- -entah. aku tahu yg iqra' ah yg tu.- -err girls can we stop showing off how little we know! *maluu*- yeaa. so yu get de pictr. siigh. we shd reali do sthg abt it. but to our credit.. we did know some of de answrs to de ugama qns. jus dat our fastest finger first *firs call thru to emcee gets to answr* not so fast ah. heh but see ryt de difference was wen it came to de qns we knew de answrs to we alws got thru to calling de emcee bcos de othrs jus simply dint know de answr! ;) hehe *okaay sudah cukup kembang* to top thgs off wenevr we got de answr ryt we screamd n cheerd like nobody's business. heh. ;) *dats wat yu get wen yu put a buncha gigglyy shrieky girls togethr wat.* no wondr pple hate raffles pple lah eh. *sori shiqin yu dah terlonggok with us ;)* haha but im sure shiqin enjoys our company! dun yu dearie? ;) hehe *ego somemore ego somemore*

yups n so my nus frens finali met my raffles frens. n got a pretty good pictr of wat we r like. heh. noisy. kecoh. bising. yu get de idea.
n almost evryone i talkd to aftr dat went -eh yani! ask yur gang of girls to make one team for challenge shield ah!- -so yani yur girls tu main for challenge shield tak?- haha ;) kiter dah jadi hot stuf eh? *kembang like anythg man* haha i suppose w all our enthusiasm cheering giggling n energy. yu wud think we'd be super on for anythg n evrythg. haha sadly no. not up to challenge shield ah. -no reali i need my teeshirt my fbts n my sports shoes b4 i reali feel like into de game. kalau tak cannot ah. i jus wun feel sporty enuf.- gues who. ;) but these babes r definitely coming dwn de day itself to gimme n sya moral support! :) rytrytrytt?? *pls?* :)

oOh sthg else happnd. haha was talking to a fren frm vietnam yep. who has sthg going on w dis othr girl a fren knows. apparently while we were talking she was watching. n w stories flying ard godknows wat pple r saying. *raises eyebrows* malay politics. ugh.
but yu think dats gonna stop me frm talking to a fren? rilek sua ah. all yu talkers n gossipers can go sit one corner. my life. il live it my way.

okays so dat was nytcycling. or wat it lookd like on de surface.
we went down dis road at changi *dunno de name* but we were in single file. so i had timeout for myself. n of course startd thinking. we drove down dat road b4. he was so excited to show me dat route. it jus goes straight reali far down. straight vry long down de road. rather deserted n he jus wantd to show me de quiet road wer yu cud see airplanes on yur left n trees in de dark silent nyt to de ryt. he wud tell me of de speed checks in de area de police cars lurking ard de bushes to catch silly lil donkeys making out in deir cars. he's alws got thgs to tell me n i reali enjoy listening to him. altho sometimes dey dun reali make sense dey do make me laugh. n at times he can reali enlighten me. wen he's telling me sthg i nvr knew abt. altho sometimes he does go like -sayang yu tak tahu eh? hehe yu so innocent lah yu *laughs*- i do miss those moments.
n den as i cycld somemore i watchd an sia plane soaring off into the air leaving a majestic roar in its wake. more memories came back. mid 2001. marina promenade *b4 esplanade sprung up*. late aftrnoon. sitting on de benches watching ships go by watching city skyline. his arms ard me. jus feeling his warmth breathing in dat familiar scent. an sia plane roared past above us. he liftd his arm n pointd. -sayang one day we'l b on dat plane going on our honeymoon to europe.-

oh god wat hv i done?

so many dreams so many plans. how did we get to dis? how did i get to dis? wat de hel went wrong? wer did we go wrong? wer did i go wrong?

oh god pls have a good reason for dis. i know evrythg lies in Yur hands. we can onli plan. Yu determine.

m i doing de ryt thg?

day aftr day i qn myself.

yu may ask. if im so torn up abt it. y de hel did i even do it in de firs place?

beats me.

it jus felt so wrong to b in it w him if i was doubtful. yu know? like he wun be receiving a hundrd percent frm his girl. n dats jus wrong.

ryt?

|
Tuesday, February 8 | 5:55 pm

yayyie! girlfren tym again! :) on wheels dis time ard. n de whole nyyt long. hehe yups. hope we can last de nyt. heh looking fwd to seeing yu darlings later~* *smile*

oh yes. i gymd! i reali did! hehe n i was so into it dat i completely forego-ed my desperate houswives. :P haha wudyu believe it? haha yups i did. wantd to treadmil but felt vry exposed lah standing n running so decided to do de ex bike instead. grand total of one hr 7.84miles n 351cal burnt. ;) hehe now thighs aching like mad n den stil got nytcyling latr. *poof* smart move to start gymming de nyt before de event. *sheesh*

oOh oOh i went unexpectd shopping jus now. :P yu know how it happens wen yu go out for a day to jus shop n yu end up w nothing bcos yu jus dun find anythg on de shelvs appealing dat day? happens ryt? n wen yu go out not expecting to shop yu jus kept grabbing thgs off de rack? *sheesh* haha went dwn tm to get foundation refil. den saw dis saw dat oh crap. haha saw dis pretty pair of pink cotton track pants w white stripes running dwn de sides. sOo pretty! how to resist?? *sheesh* den got anothr similar pair in black bought dat too.. vry comfy lah n useful for gym mah. ;) got my white sheer ribbon toO! :) to wear w my pouch matching w sha n nyd! ;) n saw like two gorgeous skirts at this fashion one denim one white w beige embroidery running across de hem of de skirt.. vry pretty! but lines for fitting rms n cashier long like hel so decided against it. surprisd myself actuali. heh. show of wilpowr der. ;) oklah not reali more like din wanna wait thru de lines. wudv jus bought off de rack but cannot lah later not nice rugi man. yups n bought some othr stuf too n eventuali got my foundation refil. ;)

okies supposed to sleep noww. ;) *nytcycliing!!* :) oOh! wil see aLL my fav pple der! *griin* wil hv ma girrlfrens! wil see my lovely darlings n buddies frm yep ;) cant wait to terrorise all de kakaks w our giggling n shrieking "kak bleEEeN!!" "kak fardYyYy!" "kak yayAaA!" hahah ;) dey know i love dem. dats a way of showing love wat ryt. :) n wil see if any gets me n sya mixd up tonyt. owel. ;)
wondr how de grouping for nytcycling wil b like though. one promisd me he can arrange for it but anothr say cannot lah must split yu girls up. :P jus to spite me one ryt. thks a lot. wat a fren. *jeling.* yups. i suppose il b alryt w de groupings as long as none of my grlfrens r all alone in a single grp. must at least hv buddy mah. n i hope me n sya gets grpd w some yep pple too. *relive de days -wistful-* :) okays watevr it is. looking fwd to tonyt! *smile*


|
Monday, February 7 | 5:38 am

reali cudn stand de othr skin. eeks. nytmare i tell yu. so got down to replacing it like immediately. n whee look wat time it is now. *sheesh* i m SO dead. haii. workload is piliing. but not to de point of tipping ovr. yet. *bettr get a move on yani*

okays so say hey to de new look. *sheesh n iv onli had dis thg for like 2 days?*

dusn seem lyk a vry good idea to hv dis. distracting me lyk hel. *whoops*

anws. luckyy no chinese later today. i declare cny de best holiday! *in singapore at least* bcos wen cny comes ard evrythg comes to a standstil. n dat mattrs wen it's sch yu'r talking abt. chinese canceld de whole week! *yeaa* no lectr no tutrl. how great is dat man. n on tues im supposd to hv stats lectr n tutrl. hah. but bcos lectrer tutor all cina come here one. yups. canceld! :) see wat i mean by best holiday? *heh* so effectivly for de next four days i hv one lectr n one webcast *which dusn count bcos i wun hang ard for it. heh.* yeaa. ;) dats down frm like six lectrs n two tutrls okaay. gerek giler. ;)

okays i think subuh has rolld ard. shal go pray n den grab some shut eye. b4 i meet my dear babe syahirah at like wat tym? 9 eh? hehe ;)
"we shal plan. but in de event dat unforeseen n unfortunate circumstances affect our plans, we shal reschedule."
ie. if we cannot wake up in time. yesh. meet the anak daras of the new millenium.

oOh oOh! im meeting syahirah to sign up for pgp gym membership! how happening is dat man! ;) yani. and gym. like no way. reali. jus ask any of my frens.
but i feel super heavy super fat super flabby. eeks. so wrong. shal do sthg abt it. plus dusn help dat nydia pinchd me felt all my babat n lookd at me w a suuper horrified scandalisd look. *sheesh* :( wil do sthg lah i wil lah! *frowns*
so tmro evening insyaallah shal b our firs of many *hopefuli* pgp gym sessions! ryt partner? ;)

okies wud yu look at de time! heh.
gotta run.

aiights see yu~*


|
| 1:20 am

eeeee. so uglyyy. i lost my pretty earlier templaate. uurgh. all de work i put into it.

y did i even start on dis thg?

now im hookd.

heh. so niwes. pple put up w dis while i search for a new skin. think my last one de pic dunno wat lah mayb too big or wat cos photobucket totali rejectd me :( my page tak keluar terus. sediih.

owel. no mattr de skin. de content stays.

aiights bye~*


|
Sunday, February 6 | 9:42 pm

ouch. dat abt describes evrythg. so much shit happnd dis week *which is y i startd dis*. shd i go into detail? do i hv time? siigh.

i think de breakup has finali taken place. a mth ago we were on a break. we stil met up went out hung out n had fun. but it nvr reali felt like a break. it was time off. but we dint have time off from each othr.
n i was seriusly confusd. w no idea wer to go frm der. i thot time apart wud do me good let me think thru thgs clearly. unfortunately it was not to be so. my head was stil muddled n my heart confused. til it came to de point dat i decided watevr i had was not enuf to go on to make a decision. so i said many times "i shal see wer time n life takes me frm here." "i wil let nature take its course."

eithr dat or it was to de point of frustration of dire exhaustion. dat i gave up. i din wanna do it anymore. din wanna think din wanna decide. jus wantd to wash my hands off frm it. jus wantd out. i dunno. do yu?

i mean wud yu know it if it came to yu? if it was yur turn? pple all ard me tell me we'l get back togethr eventuali. dey say four yrs is a lot. is it reali? do i hv to stay on w dis guy bcos of dis wonderful beautiful magical four yrs we had togethr? stay on bcos of the four yrs behind us for a lifetime of.. of wat? working thru it struggling thru it jus bcos we shared some magic back den? wat if my heart jus wasnt in it anymore? i know dat sounds cold. n cruel. but dyu think i plannd for my heart to pull out? dyu think i plannd to go into circumstances dat wud bring me to dis? shit happens. it jus does. even wen u thot ud nvr b de one whu wud go thru it. we can onli plan. life has othr thgs in store for us. i hear many a time of pple being togethr w deir guy for like wat seven yrs? but shit decided to drop by n dey split. a yr later she found anothr guy got married n is now settld down hapily w kids. god bless her. she did de ryt thg. now m i? i honestly frankly dunno. one of de last thgs he said to me "i hope yu'r doing de ryt thg." so do i.

i stil love him. i do. i know i do. its jus not enuf or not de way he wants or needs to be loved. n i cant do dat to him. i cannot allow myself to let him stay in a relationship wer he dusn receive wat he deserves. he's an angel. reali. he treats me so wel. yea we had our ups n downs n we'v been on de rocks god knows how many times. but he's done so much for me. if not now wen? two yrs down de road wen ders more at stake? he said "lucky it happend now n not wen we'r married w kids."
he deserves more. dun get me wrong. im not trying to weasel out of dis thg by making me sound like de villain. im not. im not saying iv been a terribleterrible girlfren de past four yrs n dat he deserves bettr. i haven. iv had my fair share of flaws n mistakes but i wudn regard myself as a shitty girlfren. i was good to him. i reali was. i loved him to bits. i shed tears for him w him i supportd his evry move i was der in his most dire desperate moments i was der at his proudest happiest moments. i was alws der for him. but he does deserve bettr. in terms of being w a girl whu wil love him as much as he deserves to be loved.

many ask wer my confusion stemmed frm. wat do i say? didyu think i woke up one morning n said hey im confused? snort. sori i din mean dat in a bad way it jus sounds ridiculous dun yu think? it jus sorta sank in slowly. gradual. mayb it was de rocky past couple of mths. was it? was de past couple of mths even rocky? m i trying to make up excuses for myself?

i dun know. i reli dun.

all i know is dat it happnd n now i feel like dis.

im sori sayang.. even as i say dis i tear n weep. i dun think yu know abt dis but il leave yu a msg here anw. i'm sori baby.. i loved yu. i swear i did. yu meant de world to me yu were my evrythg. i swear i dint mean n i dint want for us to come to dis. i swear evrythg i felt was real. dey were. pls dun go away thinking de past four yrs were nothing but lies. dey werent. dey were beautiful dey were magical. my love for yu was real. thank yu for de special moments de sweet hours we spent togethr. yu made my firs love a beautiful one. n i onli hv yu to thank.
i wish yu all de bes n i give yu my word dat i wil be here for yu. even if not de way yu want me to be. i swear il try to b a gd fren to yu. il see yu to great heights n see dat yu find a girl deserving of yu. take my word on dat. yu wil find an angel. yu r a handsome young man n evry girl's desire. evry girl's dream. trust me on dat.
i wil alws love yu~*

kak long or boy if yu r reading dis, plspls dun tell mama or ayah. as yet. im not ready to face dem w dis. i wil tell dem. jus not yet. pls?

facing one set of disappointed hurt parent is enuf. yep his mum msgd me. but dats for anothr time. her intentions were good n sincere though if yu'r wondering.

how much can a girl take in a week?


|
| 1:20 pm

interesting. yet ironic. for now at least.

Your personality explained: 6 facts about you
by Susan Quilliam
iRelationships, iVillage.co.uk

The Leveller
Who are you - and why?
As a leveller, you've got your life together. While other personalities major too much on thinking or feeling, you are in perfect balance. You respond to situations with clear-sightedness, taking your cue from your feelings, but using your mind to help you make decisions and action plans.

The positives
You're very together. You really take life by the scruff of the neck and do what you want with it. You make and achieve your goals because you have all the bits of the lifestyle jigsaw.

The negatives
There aren't many other people like you. You might sometimes feel you're the only sorted person in the world!

The leveller at work
You are a good colleague and team member able to support but also keep people on task. You're particularly good at management roles where the need is to balance out different sets of needs without getting swamped by your feelings.

The leveller in love
You are a great partner because you rarely get hooked into the sort of destructive patterns that many of the other personality types do.

Your love match is
Your ideal pairing is with a leveller and you'll both live happily ever after. With any of the other personality types you risk doing all the giving, simply because you are more together than they are.

What should you do?
Carry on doing what you're doing and make sure that your friends, relatives, colleagues and partners are duly grateful for your having you around.


go figure.


|
Saturday, February 5 | 10:23 pm

welwel. looks like it is beginning to take shape beginning to work out. ;) i guess i underestimated myself. hehe owel. spent de whole day doing dis wen i shd reali b doing my work. *urgh* ugly four lettr word. dunno wats wrong w me dis sem. so unlike me to be slacking off. *ryt babes? ;)*
owel. wil get down to it. ryt aftr dis. :)
promise.


|
| 9:39 pm

wil give dis a try *again* =P
decided dat life is taking too much out of me. too many secrets frm too many pple.
need anothr outlet.
wil not n dun wanna impose on my dearest girlfrens no more.
:( *im supposd to b deir academic guardian angel. not bring more sob stories to dem. :(*
so wil give dis a go.
*we'l see how long dis lasts.*
probly til i dun like how it looks or til i give up out of frustration frm trying to make it work. heh.
typical.
figures.

aights see yuu~*


|