Monday, March 27 | 10:04 pm

today was perhaps one of the best days i've had in school this semester.

i spent a good eighty percent of my day with my zat.
and i love my zat time.
i love the talks we always have. the future, the past, the issues, the society, the elitism, the worries, the uncertainties, and the list goes on.

at this point in my life, nobody understands me the way she does. she is also the first (and presumably the only one) to voice out my innermost fear, which to date, even i have yet to admit.

and when she said what she said, i felt such truth in those words it surprised me. that she realized MY deepest fear before i did.

and for that love, thanks. *hug*

and today was also a big day because for the first time, i fully understood bioinformatics lab.
the desire to learn, the power of knowledge. ;)
i could follow every step!

and then, we had a POW-WOW!
i love my mini project group! how we get together and throw our doubts and questions onto the table, and we tackle them one by one, together as a group.
"now i know why it's called GROUP project!"
i totally understand the min project now!
and i feel SO enlightened!
i'm ready to take it on now!
the power of knowledge! :D

but first, Dia calls!
*grin*

|
| 9:22 am

second night in four days going to sleep past 4am, and waking up at 6 for class at 8.

you know when you're so tired your joints just start to ache, your knees feel like they can barely hold your legs together and your back just simply aches.

how much longer, how much longer.

|
Sunday, March 26 | 2:10 am


this is me!

|
| 2:08 am


carshots!

|
| 2:07 am


pictures all night! twas at pasir ris beach, where i witnessed a horrific collision between a moving bicycle and a tiny 2-3 year old kid. :( boo. i screamed. it happened like 3 feet away from where i was sitting. n i was totally checking out the boy, hence i witnessed the entire accident. :(

|
| 2:06 am


he says he's my ronald mcdonald who just sits there with a frozen smile and i can take as many pictures as i want(until i'm happy). :D

|
Friday, March 24 | 11:58 pm

i don't think they make a good-looking couple, they look kinda mismatched actually.
he's short and kinda stumpy and broody.
she's tall and lanky and (was)home-coming queen.
and i think they have too much drama, and they've made so many mistakes.

but all the same.
i hated oliver, theresa, lindsay, johnny and now sadie.
:(

the latest episode actually made me wanna cry.
esp when the model home (yes the model home all the way from season 1 episode 2/3?) made its reappearance.
*sniffs*

|
Thursday, March 23 | 10:32 pm

aahh those sweet words. ;)
got back german vokabeltest today, and as frau niemann hands me my script, she says
"alles richtig!"
100 upon 100! *beams*

now that is the one time she is truly satisfied.
when it's perfect.

now here i go to BLAST! (bioinformatics project!!)
kyoto encyclopedia of genes and genomes,
biosynthesis of vancomycin group antibiotics,
heptapeptide vancomycin aglycone,
bit score, e-value,
multiple sequence alignment,
phylogenetic analysis,
MySQL database.

catch no ball?

it's ok, me neither.

|
| 12:20 am

twas daddy's birthday(march 7th), mummy's birthday(march 26th) and their anniversary(march 9th)! dinner courtesy of the offspring. ;) whooots.
this was hmmmmm. on the tenth of march. :)
yayyies! was a happyhappy night.
it took quite a bit to get to that though. the reservations, waiting-listed, incessant calls (by yours truly. poor lady at hyatt's end. she had miss-i-won't-take-no-for-an-answer to deal with. ;) yes, i fight to get what i want. and i almost always succeed. :D), and finally a last minute yes! we did it! heee.


the sibs.

the fooodydoody!


yummyyumyum in my tummytumtum!


daddy's princesses~* ;)


|
Wednesday, March 22 | 9:11 pm


camwhoring around the straits!

|
| 9:03 pm


the fam. :)

|
| 9:03 pm


thee laaydeees. ;)

|
| 8:36 pm


one last parting shot ;)

|
| 8:35 pm


TOTALLY camwhoring!

|
| 8:35 pm


thee lovebirds~* ;)

|
| 7:35 pm

and then just last saturday we met the gang! hmm, most at least. considering the crazy pile-up from school and rozziedarling being in perth :( (i miss hanging with u! no more squash, gym & swimming! n i never did get to squash!! :P).

and we do the best we can. come when we can, leave when we need to.. :) i'm glad i have this buncha as my darlings. we understand, we sacrifice, we compromise. :) here's my love to y'all. *huUgs* you know who you are. ;)

so shixxiesweets planned the day! we bowled! or um, tried to.
her aizad darling was there too! without his wheels! "sekali-sekali naik bus aper salahnyer.." riiight. ;)
so hunkymunkey, shix, yunnybunny, missymarsie and hotmomma bowled!
to be joined later by huzthatmooze (originally chunkymunkey, which i SO totally prefer, but elly says there can only be one munkey, yes.)
and then missymarsie left. :( nasty presentations? boo.
and then my angel joined after his rugby(soccer?) game. i can never get straight which sport he's playing on which day with which group of friends for which league. yes. sigh.
and then huzthatmooze took off, to pack toothbrush and passport! i say he doesn't need to bring anything because he's going to his relative's place (rumah sedare whaaat), albeit halfway across the globe. so i said pack what? you just need your toothbrush and passport! and then huzthatmooze's mummy say yani merepek. toothbrush can take from aeroplane what.
HAHA. wth!! i looove craazyymummies who so totally catch you unaware with their utterly witty comments! (although sometimes unintentional.) ;)
and THEN, syakittycat joined us and we scooted off (on eight wheels!) to yew tee cc, for an artsy cultural show, which NONE of us deserved to be at. HAHA. we um, caught no ball, needless to say. ;)
we in fact, were disrupting the peace and um atmosphere? of the entire show, yes.
butBUT. we were there to support ADILA!!! weweeet! ;) yesyes, although some of us had to miss the last "orgasmic" dance.
some stayed, some took off, while my angel and i went to unsuccessfully surprise huzthatmooze at the airport for his send-off! the night before he said he was very sad because he thought his entire family will be elsewhere and he would have to leave alone, like so sad right, he says.
and then i very cleverly went to look out for his destination on the bigbig board to see which row he would be checking in. it said row 2! so we staked out row 2.
but we oh-so-conveniently forgot that he flies STAFF! courtesy of thee daddy.
lucky my angel called and we caught him just in time.
and the flight was overbooked! so soooomeone had to fly economy, instead of the usual business or first. may i just refresh everyone's memory: "like who flies economy??"

yes. so that was last weekend.

hmm the weekend before, i went for a BioBiz conference at A*STAR, which so totally enlightened me and i went: suddenly my future is bright again. *guffaw* the big uprising biotech corporate world beckons! CSO! if kiki can be chief financial officer (CFO) of the newport group and julie cooper can be chief executive officer (CEO), i can be chief SCIENTIFIC officer, no? ;)
and then i accompanied syahirah to look for her sister's birthday gift! which was a rather futile trip, right up till the very last stop! which was an unplanned one. something just happened to catch my eye, and syahirah fell in love with it for her sister! voila! happy (belated) birthday syahirah's sister!
and then that was when BOTH my big toes got bruised by my power-woman shoes. :( resulting in the current BLUEBLACK toenails on BOTH mummytoes!! (ibujari.)
oooh and then that was followed by engagement event at sya's and marsie's cousin's! whee! smallsmall world! and when i showed syahirah pictures, the bride-to-be was her relief teacher some donkey years ago! of course, new landscapes = camwhoring. it was a place we'd never been to! so the stairway was a backdrop, the bamboo shoots became a jungle setting, and well, you get the idea.

ok! so that is pretty much what i have been up to lately.
alas!
trepidation sets in as i realise the above does not carry even a single mention of any efforts to better my currently paralysed academic situation!
help!

nyeeaarh.

ok pictures! not very many though, because camera conked out!
but pictures of last weekend still sits in my camera. yet to upload. :P

oh and. this afternoon, i had a terrible terrible throbbing headache. i've been having these recurring headaches, and i associate them with having to tie my hair up everyday under that scarf. like the tied-up hair pulls on the scalp, resulting in some kind of strain, and hence the headache.
so i cut my hair this afternoon. not exactly what i had in mind, but well, shall have to do. the do, i mean.
but the headache persists!! even like right now! even after i took like paracetamol!
help!

boo. the last time suhaila had recurring headaches, she thought she had a tumour. and she told her sister the doctor said she had four months left. the sister goes: can i have your clothes??

haha, ok totally random.

um ok yes! so pictures! enjoy!
will be back with more! sometime.. ;)


you make it so much easier~*

|
| 7:30 pm


bOwliiing-day! (we totally sucked, nobody's gonna deny thaaat.)

|
Tuesday, March 21 | 10:03 am

today as i was sitting diligently in stats lecture (yes, finally.)
i witnessed what fun my lecturer had delivering the lecture.
like very fun to stand in front and talk aboutt something you're so passionate about, and not just talk, but to impart knowledge to young eager minds (ok not entirely true, but still.).

and then i'm like (once again) "hmm i'd like to be a lecturer too. so fun!"
(superficial, i know. forgive me, it was 8am.)

but then there's also like
grad med sch..
the biotech corporate world.. (courtesy of biobiz 2006, thank you SO much for enlightening me.)
the research industry..

which should i choose?
which will i get?
which is right for me?

hence, scary uncertain future.

*bangs head on wall*

|
| 3:12 am

I DON'T UNDERSTAND RYAN AND MARISSA!!!

and for one.

MEN SUCK. (blame ryan.)

in order to avoid spoilers,
i shan't explain.

ERGH.

|
Sunday, March 19 | 8:59 pm

maaaan. just been going through ain's entries and albums. ngeerrh.
i miss it i miss it i miss it.
i miss that life man.
absolutely carefree life, with nothing but the world to explore.
gosh. :there was so much to see, but oh so little time.
i should have seen more of great britain and the uk. definitely.
i should have seen more of europe. paris, brussels, helsinki, stockholm.
i definitely saw enough of italy though. haha. :P

god. i was practically PAID to travel. i was given money monthly, no strings attached, and NO minimum grade need be attained at the end of it all!
it's not like i didn't see it all when i was there and enjoying. i did! it's just that i see it now too and i wanna go back!
go back? haii. *bangs head on wall*
i wanna have my family, my loved ones, my baby, my darlings around me too!
ergh.

you're only young once. and if you don't do it now, then when?
there's work, your job, the career. and then there's marriage. then comes kids, family.
when are you going to be able to travel freely, zero concerns, zero responsibilities?

looking at ain's pictures, i miss khairiah and lina so so dearly. :(
i had SUCH fun with them two in italy.
god we spent like a whole eight days together.
that's over two hundred hours of their company. non-stop.
and them being such sweet honeys.
how can i not miss them right? :)
and all the random moments of our trip.

that aside.
the academics hasn't been in the bestest of conditions.
received a couple of tests back.
an 88% for german semester test. not very comforting when the teacher said "a lot of you did very well on the test."
and a 17/20 for stats. especially disappointing.
tsk.

despite being the least focused on my academics in my life, i demand nothing less from myself.

at this point:
try to understand me.
excellence.
perfection.
not mediocrity.
even good doesn't cut it.

don't say anything.
cause she's never satisfied.

|
| 5:37 pm

(I know you are out there baby...somewhere)
There is someone out there for me
(I know there is somebody out there)
I know she is waiting so patiently (yeah) can you tell me her name?
(Somebody tell me her name)
This life-long search is gonna drive me insane.
How does she laugh? How does she cry?
What's the color of her eyes? Does she even realize I'm here?
Where is she? Where is she? Where is she? Where is this beautiful girl?
Who is she? Who is she? Who is gonna complete my world?
Where is she? Where is she? Where is this beautiful girl?
Who is she? Who is she? Who is gonna complete my world?
(Where are you?)

I'm staring out at the sky
(I see you baby)
Praying that he will walk in my life
Where is the man of my dreams
(right here) yea-yeah
I'll wait forever, how silly it seems.
How does he laugh? How does he cry?
What's the color of his eyes? Does he even realize I'm here?
Where is he? Where is he? Where is he? Where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he? Who is he? Who is gonna take me so high?
Where is he? Where is he? Where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he? Who is he? Who is gonna take me so high?
(Where are you?)

How does he laugh? How does he cry?
What is the color of his eyes? Does he even realize I'm here?

Where is she? Where is she? Where is she? Where is this beautiful girl?
Who is she? Who is she? Who is gonna complete my world?

Where is he? Where is he? Where is he? Where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he? Who is he? Who is gonna take me so high?

Where are you?
I'm going to look all over the world baby
'Cuz I know you are out there
I know this might sound crazy,
but I think I love you
(That's right)

my song of the mo.
sweet, sweet. :)

|
Saturday, March 18 | 8:48 am

Rules:
1. Bold the following words that are true about you.
2. GREEN! the things you wish were true.
3. add one thing true about you
4. and then tag onetwothreefourFIVE more people.

I miss somebody right now.
I don't watch TV these days.
I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lens.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.(it's heaven on earth!)
I've been in a threesome.
I've been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really,really fast/unclear.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way I look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have alot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have alot of friends.
I am currently single!
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
Enjoy window-shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I dislike them.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have made a move a friend's significant past or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I have dated a close friend's ex.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with guys.
Democrat.
I am punk rockish.
I am preppy.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job.
I am comfortable with who I am now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at MacDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the wrong people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers more than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongues in waves, much like a snakes slithers.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distraction.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.
I have ridden an elephant.
I love chocolates and crowns!
I go to school NOT for the sake of lessons.
I can't ride a bicycle.
I think i'm the only person crazy enough to do this at 6 in the morning without any sleep for the night.
I feel crazy.
I love tomatoes!!
I like peanut butter on bananas.
Been told "You're on fire!"
I'm a netballer.
I believe in Serendipity.
I think the word 'RASPBERRY' is sexaaay!
I love to look at people's teeth.
I don't wanna grow up.

missymarsie,rozziesunshine,
aidyn-ailemac,heavierthinks,
rafsiecakes!


you know who you are! :D

|
Monday, March 13 | 3:49 am

shit.
i am so anal that the computer did not save ALL of the changes i made in the last precious hour of what could be my beauty sleep.

i am so tempted to swear right now.

fuck.

|
| 3:32 am

i hate shoddy work.
work where sentences don't make sense, they don't sound coherent and they don't seem to be getting anything across.

but that's not what annoys me most.

what REALLY bugs me is
when Capital Letters are not being used when they should be.
when there is NO space after every fullstop, before the next capital letter of the next sentence. there MUST be a space!!
when capitalisation for abbreviations is not constant throughout. it HAS to be! there has to be flow!
when fonts are not uniform. in one table, there CANNOT be one cell with italicised font and another with un-italicised font. it just doesn't work that way!!

i mean this is work that you are going to submit for grading! it has to be decently presentable! it has to be NEAT. it has to be COHERENT. it has to be in PROPER grammar. it has to have correct PUNCTUATION.

it has to be more than just perfect contentwise, it has to be perfectly perfect.

i'm not anal, i'm just... ...


fine, i'm anal.

|
Monday, March 6 | 12:53 am

school's just SUDDENLY piling up so much, it's ridiculous! urgh.

i thot i had 5 CAs these 3 weeks, and since i had one last week, i should have 4 left right?
WRONG.

latest announcement: another german vocabulary test in the week after AND an oral exam. oh and add a video project to that too.

NOW then they tell us.

oh my god, i'm so dead.

lsm2104 CA mar 6th
st2238 CA mar 7th
lsm2104 project presentation mar 13th
lsm2102 CA mar 14th
MA1102R CA mar 16th
lag1201 vocabulary test mar 16th
lag1201 oral exam mar 20th

and. i just watched the latest episode of one tree hill.
man it sucks to be brooke.
best friend, peyton, hello.

i don't wanna lose you.
but you're losing me.

|
Saturday, March 4 | 1:09 am


HAPPY TWENTY-FIRST DEAR ZATIII!! :)
*HUGG!* *MUAH!*


we surprised her wiiiith *drumroll* RAWDAH and KAMAL! haha.
we always celebrate each others' birthdays with a lil dinner or get-together or something. so me, su and syah being with her on her birthday was somewhat a given. ;) but she totally didn't expect to see RAWDAH!! :) i say girlfrens ROCK. *beams*
aand we got her an oh-so-gorgeous wallet-cum-clutch CAAAN! ;) check out the so-very-gleeful look on her face, posing with her new wallet! weewheeet! MANGO you!
the very wallet for which su and i skipped bioinformatics lab to shop for, ie we DITCHED zat. the three of us go for this module together, plus that morning, we had asked zat to help print the notes for us. and then we were a no-show, AND we had to make-up stories as to why we didn't show up for lab! we felt SOO bad, but we were like we'll explain on friday, we'll explain it was for HER gift! haha. ;) (and two other tops for yani, and a dress for su. haha.)

aaand the cake was amaaaazing!! we were thinking she might have to bring home the leftover cake as there were only six of us there. but it was SOOOO yuummyyy that everybody had at LEAST two slices!! YUMYUUMM! it was chocolate royal from sweet secrets, and it was chocolate mousse cake with hazelnut crunch, like MMMMM!! the base was like a crunchy hazelnut wafer thing. like OH MY GOD. we totally devoured EVERY last morsel. :D

umm the restaurant wasn't too great. in fact, MUCH went wrong. when we first walked in, we were like WOW, lawar and rawdah went "love at first sight!" and at the start (before any food was involved), the staff was pretty helpful. we kept our cake in their refrigerator, borrowed their lighter etc.
but like we soon learned, love at first sight never lasts. haha.
the restaurant, baladi, is like a typical hot charming guy.
at first sight, you are completely bowled over, and his first few moves charm you.
and then when the time comes for him to take the littlest bit of responsibility, he screws up.
1. the waiter didn't take our order properly. when he repeated our order, he left out 2 items TWICE. i had to repeat like three times before he got it right.
2. the food came in two batches. one batch came like half an hour ahead of the next one. like wth. the food will get cold right! and people will only be so courteous as to wait for everyone's food to come first before starting.
3. we got like FOUR wrong dishes sent to our table.
4. but 2 didn't really matter, because my food CAME cold anyways. urgh.
5. the portions were miserable, we felt.
6. the taste was non-existent. and this was probably enhanced by the food being COLD.
7. the grilled lamb chops was NOT well done at all.
8. su and i ordered the same item, grilled lamb chops, but hers came later then mine. they had to reconfirm her order like twice. and she overheard them talking, saying something like they ran out of charcoal. like WTH! shouldn't you anticipate customers ordering that dish, considering that it's ON your menu??
so, that's how far love at first sight goes. you need to KNOW it inside out before you can fall in love safely, if not, at the end of the day, you just feel cheated. not to mention hungry and dissatisfied. haha.

despite all that, i felt like it was still a great night. because nothing beats GREAT company. :)
syahirah's contagious defective hearing, tudung/beanie/hair flap, suhaila's inhailer (HAHAHAHAHA!) and "medium raw", kamal's crap, horrible toilet habits and poor four wives, somersaulting cakes, camwhoring, camwhoring and MORE CAMWHORING! whoots! :D
great fun, much laughter, happy night! :) yaayy! i loove you darliiings! *muah!*
ok, so pictures, enjoy y'all! :)

|
| 1:00 am




cake shots! :) syahirah found a greeeaat angle, whoots! :D

|
| 12:57 am

welcome to baladi. (notice the lack of enthusiasm.)

|
| 12:47 am



us giiirlies! :) whee! *muuaah!* to all! and thanks to kamal for manning the cameras! oh, oh check out zat clutching her gift the entiiire time! haha! ;)

|
| 12:45 am

that's everyone! some of zati's (self-nominated)favourite people in the world!! kan zati kankankaaan? :D

|
| 12:39 am

my mango lassi and grilled lamb chop. which took FOREVER to come. and came COLD. and in a miserable portion. AND like suhaila said: it was medium RAW.
she's one angry customer. her food came last, like close to an HOUR after we ordered! can die riight?? and like everybody else, her food came cold, miserably-sized and RAW. haii. NEVER again are we going back there. right su?

|
| 12:33 am

zati cuts her cake!


oh how we massacred her cake. and there were just SIX of us. haha.

|
| 12:28 am

happy girlies! :) i loove you all! *muah!*

and of course, i love MY zat too! *beams*

|
| 12:23 am

the view from the restaurant's window~*

|
| 12:10 am




how can the night be complete without a string of crappy photos, and of course kinky sex talk. HAHA. poor kamal must have been mortified. let's see. we were comparing which occupation would be kinkier in bed. of course there was the usual french maid and nurse. but that's just sexy, not kinky. a scientist ranks pretty high up there in kinky-ness ok. just imagine. just wearing the lab coat, nothing inside. kiiinky. until i mentioned the lab gloves. and syahirah went "let me put on some protection" complete with hand gestures of pulling the gloves on. (oh so wrong.)
and then syahirah proceeded to tell us the story of this country somewhere where u can make custom-made condoms. she heard it on power 98, and she said joe augustin was saying hmm i wonder what they do to you when they wanna take your measurements.
syahirah just LOOKS innocent, ACTS blur and PRETENDS not to know anything. HAH. we know better now, don't we.

YANIWAYS!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR ZATIII!!
*BIIIIGHUGS!*
we love you lots, don't you ever forget ok? :)
*MUAH!*

|
Thursday, March 2 | 2:07 am

it bothers me that
someone with desirable superficial traits gets lots of admiration because i feel like he(generic) doesn't deserve it because he is a horrible person.
and that
someone with a good heart doesn't get the attention and admiration he deserves just because he doesn't look as good or isn't as smart as the next person.

i also have this problem where i cannot separate looks from heart.
like a really gorgeous person will seem less pretty if he is a horrid person.
and a less-than-average looking person ranks higher in my looks-books if he has a wonderful heart.

anyways. why does it seem mutually exclusive?
is it cause
if you're good-looking and smart at the same time, you put yourself on a pedestal, above everyone else and you seem to think you can get away with anything?
and
if you know you're less-than-average, you become more humble, modest and inevitably come off as a person with a better heart?

and it also really bugs me that a smart person can obviously hide or disguise his ugly heart. just by virtue of his intellect. he's smart enough to know that he obviously shouldn't show his true colours.
hence, it seems like there are many gorgeous intelligent people out there who are reasonably nice people.
but maybe, just maybe, they are really hiding their true stinking self.

please note the title: extremity.

there are people who have a balance of both, definitely.
but i'm talking extremity here.

people who seem so perfect on the surface, people who seem to have it all.
has it ever occurred to you that maybe the one thing they lack, you can't see?

and even then, they win.
because you can't see their imperfection, you don't notice it until later.
so they win on first-impressions.

hence, life is unfair.

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Wednesday, March 1 | 2:17 am

yes we have come to the middle of the term.
scarily, my second year of varsity will end in two months.

i don't feel like i'm learned enough to be a senior undergraduate.

i got back german vocab test today. the test that i studied for at the beach picnic the other time, when i asked huzer if he remembered any german from our year and a half at moelc. and he shot right back with a bloody german sentence. with PERFECT verb conjugation. AND definite articles. i felt like dying right there. (and now too actually. because i can't recall the sentence. but i know it was: are you a stupid monkey? ok so he doesn't get points for intellect.)
but huzer has german cousins, so it doesn't count. but i still felt like a loser because i remember zilch from moelc german classes.
so this vocab test. PURELY mugging. some bloody shit bugger got a whooping 99.1%.
i got a 92% thankfully. alhamdulillah.
but i wanna be a bigger bloody shit bugger and get 99.9%. HAH.

and then i've got a REAL german semester test day after. great, considering i left german untouched throughout the midterm break. whoopee yani, way to go.
this test actually has sentence construction, definite articles, verb conjugation, listening comprehension, reading comprehension, and of course my deathwish.

and then, i've got four other CAs in the next two weeks.

to top things off, i have been cutting class.
for what? umm shopping (sale everywhere! ebase tops going at $8, $10 and $12!), to spend time with hatta and family and for lunch dates at holland v!

scarily again, i hardly feel bothered by what an undisciplined disorganized mess i still am at this point.

two things:
1. like i said to zat, when you no longer see what you're working for, you just don't wanna work anymore.
2. like i said to su, it's the start of the downward spiral.

i used to scoff when seniors said you should do really well in your first semester, because after that you're just going to go down. and i was like naaww i won't allow myself to slack off like that. *insert matter-of-fact look here*

i've always known what i wanted to do. and when that fell apart, i quickly drew out a plan b. but that episode taught me more than adaptability and strength, it opened up my eyes and got me in touch with reality. life's a bitch. yeah sure you have all these dreams and aspirations and goals. but what about the feasibility of attaining it? are you going to get it? and if you don't, what are you going to do then? you're running out of time, you know.
not just that. there's a part ii to the sum. even if you do get it, how do you know that it's going to keep you happy for the rest of your life?

so the bottomline where i'm at:
if you don't know that you can get it,
and if you don't know if it can keep you happy in the future,
why work your ass off for it?

i'm not saying QUIT and live life as a useless bum just because the future is uncertain. i'm saying hold it!

oddly, yani is now saying this: i'd much rather do it leisurely. take my time. enjoy other things while i'm at it. slow down, smell the flowers. i'm only young once. i'm never getting back the second that just passed.

because you don't know about the future, but you know about the NOW.
so keep yourself happy NOW.
that maybe the last time you feel joy.

because life's a bitch.

suddenly the entry turned dark.

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